how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
