you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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