you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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