I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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