The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize