you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
