i need an iv and a liver transplant
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
