Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
