Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Damn victory sex feels great
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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