Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
