the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
