At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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