I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
