So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This baby is an asshole
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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