you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
