i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize