I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
