If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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