she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
