I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
