You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
