Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
