Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
