3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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