I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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