No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
