All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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