Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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