She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
