i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
