wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
