this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
