I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
