i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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