Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
