Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
