I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
