If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
