Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
