before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
