I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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