Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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