it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
