we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
