the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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