i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
