Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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