Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
