Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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