No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
