i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
