I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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