Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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