brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
