God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
