i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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