Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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