But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Swine flu. Run for my life!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
