He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize