were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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