his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
