Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and she was petting her beer can
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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