I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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