Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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